Wednesday, February 6, 2008

That Play

Since this blog was created in light and out of spite of the unforgettable peformance that was Super Bowl 42, it is only fair to commemorate the play that will undoubtedly come to represent this game. When David Tyree caught the quick slant for the TD to put the Giants ahead early in the fourth quarter, the refrain in the apartment I was at was : "Too much Tyree". Tongue in cheek, no shred of seriousness to the statement, it helped cut through the tension of the moment. But then, with under two minutes left and the game in the balance, this happened:

One of the more mind-blowing plays in recent sports history, and in most of the subsequent sports musings I've seen post-Super Bowl, a play that seemed to re-confirm why we all love sports so much. In the midst of the full-blown media assault on our senses and wallets, a series of unprecedented physical feats reached out and slapped us in the face, waking us from our haze of disillusionment. This is why we obsess over sports, for moments like this.

So my question is: Why has this play not yet been named? Should the online community appoint an arbiter to make this decision? I've seen the question posed all over the place, with no definitive answers. Let's make this happen.

My personal favorite is simply : "Unstoppable" - for obvious and previously stated reasons.

Some other good ones I would give the nod:

"The Great Escape"

"The Helmet of God"

"The Imperfection Reception"

"The Eli Shuffle"

"The Clutch"

"Amazing Grace"

or

"Stick it up your ass, Bellichick"

If anyone reads this for some reason, feel free to add yours.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

World, meet Elisha

Not gonna lie. I bashed this yokel as well, but he definitely showed some balls under fire this year. This marketing team became exponentially smarter two days ago:



The first time I saw that I laughed until I damn near pissed myself. Then this happened:



Sick catch, btw

"Don't Give up. Don't EVEN give up"

Emmitt Smith is an idiot. Chris Berman likes invoking Christ. The mashup:



It's a good thing that Eli got his rice of passage

Karma Police

It really was the tale of two seasons.
The first season yielded absolute dominance, statistics of epic proportions, embarrassing scores. 38-7, 48-27, 52-7. Touchdowns galore. The games weren't close, and analysts (the pontificating open sores of the sports world) truly believed their own hype that we were witnessing an as-yet-unseen spectacle unravel before. "Pursuit of Perfection" spots began hitting ESPN around this time.

Week 9 was the big test. Super Bowl 41.5. Brady vs. Manning, the two top teams of the AFC, the first team deemed worthy of going after the "perfect" Patriots. It was a close game, but Brady and Co. pulled it out, and the predictions of perfection kicked into a higher, more-nauseating gear. And the first game after seemed to prove the analysts may have been on to something.

56-10. Moss scorched the Bills for 4 tds in the first half. Poured it on Buffalo.

This was the high water mark of the Pats season. Karma, my friends, is a bitch. The slaughter in Buffalo brought on the masturbatory media love on Brady's bunch, and they were not only undefeated but "on the street" of motormouth Mercury Morris and the 1972 Dolphins. Empty heads in suits on our tv's told us how we were witnessing history, glimpsing perfection, etc, yadda yadda.

To be fair, the numbers this team put up were impressive, but no records were "shattered". Brady beat Manning by one touchdown, and their respective receiving corps were about even (2007 Pats may have even been a little deeper). Moss did the same to Rice, one more TD, but Rice caught 22 in 12 games in 1987, and it took Moss 16 games to score 23, so I'll call that record misleading at best. They scored more points than any other team in history (589), and had a very good defense.

The "second season" was something else, however. The results:
vs. Philly 31-28
vs. Baltimore 27-24

Two close games, both of which were played tight, and may have turned out differently depending on a couple of calls that went the NE way. All of a sudden there were blueprints, plans to attack what two weeks earlier seemed unassailable. There was blood in the water. The next week, Pittsburgh was supposed to continue the trend, but they were banged up and didn't compete.

13-0.

The next two games came against the cellar inhabitants of the league, the Jets and Dolphins.

15-0.

Their last game was against the New York football Giants, with the 15-0 Patriots actually having more to play for. The Giants were in the playoffs, locked in their matchup, and aside from spoiling, they could understandably have played their backups for most of the game. After all, that is the conventional wisdom (for now anyway, the Giants may have changed this). But something strange happened. The Giants came to play. And you know what? They were winning for 40+ minutes. If you listened right, you could hear the cosmic shift that took place that night.

Karma.

With nothing more on the line than pride, and knowing you took your best shot, the Giants played with the "perfect" ones, and competed with them every step of the way. With a three point win, the Pats went into the playoffs coming off a scare, while the Giants went in with all the confidence in the world. Three road wins (including one over Favre, in January, in Lambeau) and the rematch was set.

The cocky vs. the confident
Perfection vs. desire
Douchebags vs. Blue collar
Boston vs. New York

More on the Super B(eatdown)owl later, but first, Tedy needs a golden shower,



Monday, February 4, 2008

Eighteen and One.

Let me start things off here by stating a couple of disclaimers. One, the 2007 Patriots were an unbelievably talented, discplined, and seasoned team, who set a lot of records and also won a lot of games. Two, fans of the 2007 Patriots are unbelievably arrogant, cocky, and rude.

They're also premature ejaculators.

19-0. 19-0. 19-0. Go fuck yourself.

You're 18-1.

In a game they couldn't lose, against a team who couldn't compete (whose quarterback is named Elisha) the Patriots did the unthinkable. They blew it. They lost. And because of their arrogance, and the they way the scoffed at doubters (Yes Tom Brady,Plaxico said 17 points), it was the most enjoyable upset in the history of American sports. The 1968 Colts weren't running around bangin' supermodels, posing for magazine covers, seething douche juices. Neither were the 2001 Mariners. The Patriots were. Douche cubed. And since the fans of this team are just as disgusting, the schadenfreude of this upset is going to be epic. This site is going to revel in it.